i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who died my cat blue again?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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