I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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