i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
