im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When are your genitals available?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
