Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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