You really coming over, don't trick.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
