i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
