She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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