When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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