you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
