My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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