Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize