The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
