My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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