Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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