Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
