and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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