He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want nice things and good sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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