someone threw a dead crab at me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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