That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize