The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
