The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
