Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
