I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
