You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
