so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
