Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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