I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
