Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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