If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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