My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
