Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You need Xanax blowdarts
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
