I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
