I seem to have left my pride at pride
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
