the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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