Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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