the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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