toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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