Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
