Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
