Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
