There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
whose parrot is this?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
