I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
