Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
