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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you traded sex for a burrito?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My pussy is not your playground.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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