how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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