Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
