fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
