I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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