but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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