You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
