I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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