Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want to have your abortion
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
