His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
