it wasn't lemon gatorade
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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