we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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