I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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