your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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