i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am one with the molecules
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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