one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Everything about him screamed your future.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
