eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just invented taco cereal.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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