My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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