it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
