I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize