Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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