shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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